Bombshell

So life has taken an unexpected and quite frankly an unwanted turn.

At the beginning of this year I felt a lump in my left breast which was small, it was so small it felt pretty insignificant. I assumed it could be breast tissue, and after having babies nothing is the same and all sorts of changes happen to our boobs. So I left it, but made sure to keep checking it. A few weeks later I noticed the lump had grown slightly, so immediately I rang my doctor to get it checked. My doctor is such a wonderful woman she did a check, and given my age just gave me a referral to North Shore Hospital for an ultrasound just to be sure, although we thought it was probably just a cyst or a benign lump.

So off we trotted to the hospital last Tuesday for a routine check. However the ultrasound showed up another lump, both of which concerned the doctor enough to take a biopsy from both of them. That worried me, but not seriously enough as I was so sure that given my age (30), my lack of family history with any breast cancer, the fact I had children early and breastfed them all put me in a non risk category for breast cancer.

However, on Wednesday Owen and I arrived at the hospital for our 2.30 appointment to be told life from now on is not going to be normal. The surgeon sat down and in a no holds barred, no easy way to put it told us straight the two lumps were cancer.
Cancer.
Cancer? No they must have it wrong.
And there's more. "Because there are two lumps we must do a full mastectomy". Oh great, now I lose a boob, as saggy as it is I don't really want to lose it now.
No choice.

The rest of the afternoon was a blur. Information, appointments, support team, pamphlets, blood tests and the whole time I was wondering how I was going to tell everyone. How was I going to tell my fabulous beautiful mum who is an awesome oncology nurse herself and now her own daughter is sick with the disease that she has spent years helping people cope with. What about my dad? My brothers who aren't in the country and will be so devastated, my gorgeous girlfriends and sisters in law...the list went on.
Somehow we got through that day, and in telling family and friends we have found the support so invaluable to be able to get through this.

Everyone has been so keen to know what is happening and we won't always have the energy to answer all your questions so what better way to use a blog than to give that information to you here.

So here's the plan so far.

• This Tuesday the 6th is my CT scan in the morning to find out whether the cancer has spread to other areas. We are seriously praying it has not.
• On Monday 12th I then have a MRI for my right breast, just to make sure there is nothing on that side before we go into surgery.
• On Friday the 16th or the 30th I will be having my mastectomy and possibly a reconstruction at the same time. There are a few things hinging on those decisions and we are going to cross those bridges when we come to them. And that is a philosophy that both Owen and I are having. One day at a time and one hurdle at a time.

Thank you to everyone for your support. I have not been able to reply to everyone's emails and messages but we have read every single one and laughed and cried together.

With our faith in an awesome and loving God who can work miracles we are going into territory we've never been before and its scary but we will get through.

All my love,

Monica