The Week That Was

Well now, its been about a week since the last chemo, and I've done my drug induced haze bit. I hope its gone for good, but I don't want to assume. I think I could milk it out a little further due to the accumulative effect. I was telling Alison yesterday that I've only got a little while left before I can put my brain explosions down to "the chemo brain" so I'm hoping to exploit it for as long as I can before I face reality that it is indeed just me.

Anyway, moving on. Last Tuesday's chemo was really quite an awful day, despite all the goodness of it being the last one. I spent most of the time in tears and it didn't help that me and Owen were both on edge and were fighting and bickering over the most inane things. Stress does that. So I sobbed my way through chemo and as soon as I was home I crashed in bed and didn't move. The nausea was instant and my eyes felt were all puffed and sore (probably more due to the crying than the chemo). So that was that huh? The last one didn't feel much like a victory, more like a very, very hard day at the office.

On Wednesday I had an appointment with the surgeon who performed (why do they use that word performed?) the mastectomy on me back in April. We waited at North Shore Hole Hospital for 35 minutes (which was a record so far in speed). It was obviously a busy day as there were plenty of people in the waiting room. I remembered that it was a Wednesday afternoon that the surgeon gives all the diagnosis's on all the biopsy's etc. It was a Wednesday at 3pm ish that I got mine. Nastly feelings returned. They always do when I enter those doors now. After we were seen to a room and I got changed into those charming hospital gowns (that have the effect of  making me look 9 months pregnant) he came in, did a 2 minute examination and said thats good see you in December. Never mind that I had a wee slip of paper with questions that I've been pondering over for months. Never mind that I just had chemo yesterday and it was a hell of an effort to drag myself out of bed to see you. Its okay, your time is WAY more important than mine Doc. One question that I wanted to ask was about the numbness on my arm since surgery, since there was no one better to tell me if it was normal or not. Before I even finished my question he cut me short with a curt "no, no you won't get that feeling back." Cool, tell it like it is. Oh well, see you in December. I think he could use a course in bedside manners no?
At least we were in and out within the hour so we didn't have to spend more than $2 on parking. What a cheapo aye?

Thursday I was feeling very tired and successfully managed to spend most of the day in bed. I happily slept away most of the day and even missed Date Night for the first time yet. I decided I no longer wanted to take the Dex (sterioids) that I take as another anti nausea as it just puffs me up (my cheeks!!) and makes my jaw feel tight and to be honest I was taking such a plethora of pills did it really matter if I missed a few doses? So instead of ending my dose on Saturday I ended it on Thursday. And I reckon, although I missed that dose of energy that the Dex gives I didn't feel AS fuzzy as previous times. Friday and Saturday went quite smooth. No nausea, a little more energy. Although the kids will probably tell you I was as grumpy as an old donkey. They would probably be correct. As Sunday was Fathers Day I even managed to do baking. Really good progress so far.

I think I might have overdone it though as today I've woken up pretty tired and nauseous. I went for a walk with Alison down to Platter and back, and since then I've been perched on the couch feeling entirely exhausted. So its just a matter of not doing too much and listening to my body. Apologies in advance if I've promised to catch up with people and I haven't/can't. I'll probably be sleeping or at least catching up on my booked MySky programs! I am going to try and stick to my plan of walking more regularly so I have enough energy during radiation.

As for that feeling of finishing things, its not quite hit me. I know its a great thing to know I don't have go back - in fact even the thought of going back makes me feel nauseous. But I don't feel like it's finished yet, so the relief isn't completely there. I guess I'll feel that in November when radiation is over.

Or when my eyebrows come back...