13 December 2010
Start how you mean to go on...
I had a visit from a very wise person and you know when you've had those conversations that really end up being a revelation to your own life? Well I had one of those today. Thank you dear friend.
I've been thinking about priorities and all the things that are rapidly piling up on my plate and how much I should take on and how much I should let go. Forget. Discard. Tough decisions to make but ones that ultimately affect my family and my life.
One pattern I've come to realise is that in my life I've had a lack of being able to make boundaries, to say no about giving my time away to people. This is something I'm and I'm sure many others are constantly guilty of, and it becomes a burden on my family when I give my precious time away to things that, well at the end of the day, don't matter to them. Yet my family wear the burden of my lack of time or grumpiness. This year has been a year that I don't wish to repeat, nor do I think that God had given me cancer but I've gained many many things that I can count as blessings along the way. This includes people and events, but the biggest by far is the cutting out of all the crap I've tended to drag around with me. The expectations to look and do good. To please everyone all at once. Being hard on myself when I screw up and forgetting that I'm just human.
Well I've decided to change that. To let go. To just go with the flow, not to please others at cost to myself or those I cherish. Starting today. Focus on the important things and the rest will follow.
Today was my darling Katie's 6th Birthday and unfortunately her birthday falls into one of the busiest times of the year due to her being 13 days late (the longest 2 weeks of my life!) - and this year I am just so exhausted and tired of the thought of living up to expectations and competing to have the best cupcakes and best ideas and best all round everything. So I canned the beach party with games and fish and chips and big exciting themed and decorated cake in favour of a weekend of friends and memorable times. Katie went to some of her good friends birthdays, and yesterday we went to GLOW the carols by glowstick event put on by our church St Pauls at the Vector Arena. It was a whole weekend of partying! And I didn't have to do a thing!
To top it off today, her actual birthday, Katie popped off to school to hang with her friends, play games and at morning tea I brought in some cupcakes to share with her class. Seeing her face was such a treat. This is all she needed. For me to put aside some time and make her feel special. We had some friends over for a play after school. A lolly scramble. A packet mix cake ( I hear you gasp...well Nigella does it!) to give to the kids and make together. Decorate the cake with M&M's, marshmallows and an assorted handful of candles. Voila! Impromtu party, good friends and cake! And what's more. A relaxed mum.
Start how you mean to go on is one of my mums sayings and at this time it comes to mind.
Start how you mean to go on. Focus on what's important.