2011 was full of new hopes for me. A new start. Fresh new me. My hair grew back, I finished Herceptin, started a new trial drug, started a photography diploma, didn't bake so much, focused on getting myself back to being as normal as possible, focused on family and keeping my darling littlies on a stable level that they missed in 2010. I took it easy on myself last year, putting it down to being a "recovery" year. Now its on...I want to be healthier, more fit, lose some weight, tone those arms. Be as physically fit as I can. Eat better.
I also have some BIG decisions to make - about our future and my surgeries. I've not updated about the surgeries since before I had my meeting with the plastic surgeon. I've attempted a post on it a few times and I've never seemed to get it right. I hate to always look like I'm moaning. And other reason is that I'm just so EXHAUSTED thinking about it. Its still an incredibly emotional topic.
It turns out that surgery won't be as straightforward as I first thought. I can't have an implant as radiation really took that option out for me. My skin and muscle tone won't support an implant and the chances of it rejecting and not working are as high as 60%. So that was really disappointing. The other options involve such a major surgery and recovery, and then the risks involved there are increased too. Basically the surgery involves taking my abdominal muscle and pulling it up to form the muscle for a breast, so you lose the abs (not that I have any visible ones right now!). It is a major 6-8 hour surgery, and recovery is months. And there is no guarantee it will all work out properly. So I'm down to looking at two options. Go for major surgery and risk complications and long recovery, and possibly losing my active lifestyle or just get the other breast removed and live the rest of my life completely flat chested. I'm trying to imagine how at 50 I'm going to be okay with that. Will I feel sexy then?
Like I said...its an incredibly emotional decision and I'm just trying to get through that at the moment. That's probably why I've been quiet on the blog front.
But on more positive vibes, its a new year and with that comes new opportunities. Owen is in the middle of looking to transition to a new golf club at some stage, we are hoping it will be soon. But we are looking at Australia as a very possible location. So lately life has been about downsizing and getting rid of surplus. It feels GOOD to get rid of so much stuff. I look at our spare room where I've piled up some of our things that I need to get rid of and I wonder how we have managed to accumulate so much JUNK! I love the excuse to downsize and start a new life. So aside from surgery decisions, the rest of the year is looking promising and exciting for our little unit of 5 here in Auckland.
Finally, I want to wish all my readers and occasional visitors a very happy 2012 and say a massive thank you for your comments, support and encouragement over the last few years. I've managed to vent, praise, show off, share and basically tell so much through here and hopefully that's been helpful for some people, but its been immensely meaningful for me. I've also met some wonderful people purely by being part of the blogging community and I am so grateful for those connections.
Happy 2012 to you all