26 July 2012

There is always hope...

I don't write this because I'm trying to garner sympathy - I'm not. I just want to be real - give you my warts and all experience of my life. If you don't want to read that my life is not all perfect with always happy and clean children and baking coming out of our ears then this isn't the blog for you!

So yesterday I woke up feeling really foggy and super duper tired. Fatigued to the max. I haven't had a day like that for ages and it really hit me for six. I hate being like that.
So I cried.
I threw a pity party for one. 
I  started back down The Well. I thought about all the depressing stuff. I dwelt on the loneliness of being away from my beautiful friends who KNOW me. I worried about all the preparation for surgery. I'm already worrying about the full body CT scan I'll have so they know they can go ahead and operate. They'll be looking for any cancer. That scares me silly. 
I stressed about money and the amount its cost us to make this move. I worried about the truck needing major repairs. I worried that I've caused more stress by having a rather large speeding fine to pay (stupid!). What is happening to me? I've always been a rather calm person, at least I thought  I was!
So this went on for about 1 hour before I pulled myself together.

I ferociously cleaned.
Then to pull my soul together and try put it all out of my mind I put on some music to soothe my soul and began to bake. Like I've said before baking puts my head into a healthy space. I only think about measuring, pouring, creaming, adding one ingredient together and going through a process. It CLEARS my mind.
Yesterday required something a bit decadent.
Chocolate, salted caramel, hazelnut all together needed to happen.

Then I realised, and I still am realising. This is all under control right? There is a plan for us, we didn't move down here on a whim. We did it because it ticked all our boxes and as a bonus its SO beautiful down here. We've already made some connections with people. In time they will get to know us just as well.
I need to stop worrying and focus on the right now. Right now its a beautiful day, right now the house is clean, there is food here, I'm going out for a girls night tonight, my family love me, my parents are coming down tomorrow. And God is always good. And there is always hope. And chocolate.

Out of darkness into light
I know that I will be alright 
Here inside Your hands
I never want to stray too far
Just want to be where You are 
Here inside Your plan
And You're the center of 
The beginning and the end

And I place my life inside Your hands
You hold for me a perfect plan
And You are... 
The beginning and the end

Everything that I've done wrong
Put You there on that cross
Where nails drove in Your hands
A crown of thorns deep in Your brow
I never knew it until now
It was all Your plan
God, You've always been 
The beginning and the end

You have plans for me 
You've given me a hope and a future
You have plans for me 
You've given me a hope and a future
(I place my life inside your hands 
You hold for me a perfect plan)
And You are... 
The beginning and the end


Leonie said...

((hugs)) and much love to you Mon.
You know, you are amazing! With so much on your plate you still continue to be an inspiration.

He does have this, and all of this is part of his greater plan.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jer 29:11
Praying for some peace for you and some positive answers too.

jacksta said...

♥ and hugs.

mmmm. That cake looks delish too.

Jaz from Treacy Travels said...

Oh Mon........none of us think you as ever pity posting. Honesty helps so many others, including me!! I understand the fear of MRI appointmtents.
Take care and find the courage to live.
Much love and hugs

Gail said...

wonderful, real post Mon. It says out loud what a lot of us go through - I love that through baking you can, one ingredient at a time, piece back your soul.


Barbs said...

Oh Mon. Dont beat yourself up about things. I have days like that and I dont have half the worries that you have. Take care.

Barbs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miriam said...

sending you love and virtual fat-free chocolate. Your blog is always inspiring and beautiful even when you don't feel it xx

Pamela said...

Thank you for sharing your fears with us. I think of you often, even though we have never met.I think for the rest of our lives we are always going to have a fear of doctors and test.
My thoughts and prayers are with you!

And what a super yummy recipe! I am looking forward to cooler weather here so I can have some heavier desserts!

PaisleyJade said...

Baking is my therapy!! All my love to you precious lady - love that song (and Leeland!)

Sammy said...

Beautiful post Mon, thank you for sharing, This my dear, is why I love your blog. Honesty and baking- two of my very favorite things xxx

Simoney said...

Beautiful amazing post Mon.
BIG HUGS to you too.
Love and admire you HEAPS.

Little Gumnut said...

Lots of love to you Mon!! Hoping that you are having a much better week. Loving your grateful heart and your trust. It really will be ok. Somehow.

Monica Williams said...

Oh you ladies don't know how much it means to me to have your comments and love. This blogging community really is my lifesaver sometimes. Thank you.