Looking back at some of my posts I can't believe it was me writing some of that, in the midst of such crazy stressful moments. The human capacity to get through these times is quite incredible and some days I wonder how I managed it.
I was definitely carried through it with love and support, else I probably would have gone crazy.
There is one thing I didn't mention and that was the fact that I will be going without reconstruction for at least 3 years. 6 months was just me dreaming up an amount of time in my own head! Where did that come from? But really the reality is that most breast cancers reoccur within the 2-3 years after diagnosis. If I was to have a reconstruction and the cancer reappeared on my chest wall then it would be a nightmare, the other reason is that my surgeon didn't want to play around with the area for a good long while. The waiting list is also quite long too so that's another factor. So really I am hoping that by the time I am 35 I will have a real boob back, and the other one fixed up to match.
I'm not too sad about it anymore but occasionally when I am getting dressed I look at myself in the mirror and am blown away that in such a short space of time I've changed physically - and with the expectation of losing my hair in chemo, there will be more change.
Am I ready for this? I guess I'll find out.
Today I'm off with mum to Silverdale to get my NASA quality breast prosthesis.
It's so cool.